Found this poem on my computer today. I wrote it this summer, and its amazing to me how far the Lord has brought me, while also knowing I’m probably only inches away from being in this place again. Life really does come in cycles. Doubt and faith, fear and hope, pride and love are opposites, but also intrinsically intertwined in our humanity. Where ever you find yourself today, you’re not so far off. I believe that.
it comes again
in coils of repeated failure
in cycles of regressive doubts
in chains of reluctant restlessness-
and you are full of mercy
as i dare you to shout in my face
as i stand on the edge of a miracle
as i scour at the wonder of grace
i should love to love your glory
i should love to see your face
but i hardly know your goodness and
i cower in this holy place
i’m afraid to be what you’ve made me-
a mess of skin and bones
a tangle of nerves and fears
a jumbled, failing, falling, fragile….
person. human? worm.
i hate what you hate and i loath what you loath
but only because i hate myself
helplessness and holiness are not so far off, i pray