the next phase

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When I was a kid I used to go through all these phases. The earliest one was probably around age nine, when for the first time I sat down at our huge desktop computer and decided I was going to write a novel. I started a story about “Susan” who was a blue bedroom slipper and I went to painstaking efforts to made the “s” of Susan bigger than the rest of the letters so it looked like a real book. After about five sentences I had to pull out a dictionary and painstakingly hunt-and-peck the letters to spell the word “calendar”, and it was right about then that I abandoned that effort. I wrote comic books to match the superhero ones my brother was reading for a little bit of time there. I remember a phase where I was convinced I was going to design the next big toy, and I carried sketches around everywhere I went, imagining the pitch meeting in my mind where the toy company boss would just love my ideas and then probably throw money at me. I was super into writing novels about mermaids for a while, convinced I was going to write and illustrate a bestseller. I decided I was going to be a Hallmark card designer. Sometimes the phases were about things, like in middle school I really liked sock monkey themed stuff and sophomore year of high school I would only eat Greek yogurt with homemade granola for lunch, but more often they revolved around creating something imaginative.

Ever since I was little I’ve been pulled in all sorts of creative directions, and now as a college student who is trying to pursue a communications degree, which at my school pretty much means a choose-your-own-track-and-just-get-creative degree, I am finding the same is still true. I know that I can write, but I also love photos. Poetry still has my heart, but I love well designed things, and hand lettering, and I’d love to learn about photography, and Photoshop, and today I texted my brother and asked him to teach me everything about web design. He responded, “lol what part?” and I said all of it. I want to learn it all.

And so, like my 9 year old self trying to write a novel, I’m trying to bite off way more than I can handle and learn it all. I know that’s not possible, but trying everything that catches my attention to see what really sticks is the only vague idea I have of how to find some direction right now.

But even as I flutter to try everything I can, I’m also beginning to appreciate the value of sticking with something. If I had religiously written comic books since the first one I wrote ten years ago, maybe I could be a great cartoonist. If I’d kept practicing I could possibly be really good at writing cards or novels or drawing mermaids by now. Maybe if I was a little less flighty, I’d be better than average in some narrow focus. I’ve been wondering lately if this blog is just a phase of mine, a phase that is beginning to lose my interest. But I don’t want to be flighty, not here. Not with writing, the one think I know for sure I’m good at. (She says as she ends a sentence with a preposition).

So anyway, all of that to say that I’ve been rethinking whats happening here a lot, but I know that I want to stay. It’s my goal this year to keep this blog going and post more than ever. I’ll be messing around and practicing with more photography and poetry and news articles and fine art this semester, and I’m hoping that some of that finds its way to this space. There will be some cosmetic and content changes coming soon, and the posts will probably be a little less based on sharing what others need to hear and more on what I need to record. If you decide to stop following along, I totally understand. I’ll try to keep sharing what I find to be especially meaningful content on Facebook, so that could be a good way to keep up if you don’t want to see all the little things in between. It’s going to be fun, though, so hang around if you want!

They say there’s no way to learn if you don’t make mistakes, right? Like trying to write superhero comic books when you actually hate action stories, or wearing sock monkey themed apparel. (Themed apparel in general is usually a mistake.) I love this learning process I get to have here and I’m thankful to the small community that gives me love as I continue to make mistakes and learn. The internet is weird, am I right?

Here’s to my next phase, and all the mistakes and lessons I know it will bring.

 

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One thought on “the next phase

  1. I relate to this on a spiritual level, and I’m so excited to see what you have in store for this blog. You’re worldview is so interesting and insightful and I love hearing your thoughts, no matter what form.

    Liked by 1 person

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