I have a planner that says “2016” on the front, and I didn’t realize until a few days ago that it isn’t actually 2016 yet. That might give you an idea of how much I’m going to miss this year.
2015. 2016. 2045. 49316. 616. 503. 820. 60610.
Its interesting how we can measure so much of our lives in numbers. Location, time, cost. We get so worked up about numbers- balancing them, calculating them, navigating them, counting them. Tonight we’ll probably count them down at the top of our lungs, 5-4-3-2-1. And it makes us so sentimental, looking back over the locations we’ve occupied and the time we’ve traveled through.
There’s a lot I could write about. 2015 was such a weird year. I’d like to think I’ve grown a lot, but if anything, it showed me how much I have left to grow.
I think I’m finally starting to accept that sometimes, this is just how life is. You feel like you’re finally getting it, grooving, doing the things you’re doing well- and then you’re not. Someone or something falls through and you start slipping and it gets frustrating and messy and you wonder what happened. And it’s a cycle, you finally get grooving again and then you lose it and at some point you’ll find it again, just to lose it. The groove. (I just like using the word groove, can you tell?)
And I’m starting to learn that this is what it is. Sometimes you’re killing it, doing life right, rocking it out. And at those times we should seek out someone who maybe isn’t grooving, and pull them up. Sometimes we’re the ones who loose the groove, and we should reach out for a hand. And this weird cycle is kind of okay. Not being on top all the time is okay.
I realize I’m not making 100% sense, but I’m running out of time because I want to post this before I run out the door to celebrate life with some of the best people I know. So here’s what I’m trying to say-
I started this lil blog project thing here in April of 2015, something I’d been wanting to do for a while, and it’s been a wonderful ride. I’ve been writing for nine months here but it still hasn’t gotten any easier to click “publish” than it was the first time. I still wonder what my words mean to the people who take the time to read them. It’s a weird thing to put yourself out there in digital means like this, weird that strangers and friends can read my thoughts
But sometimes people tell me they think this thing here is cool. And that means a lot. I want to write a lot more next year- thoughts, questions, encouragements, and more poetry, even when it’s kind of lame. I hope you keep sticking around.
2016, I’m keeping my face to the sun. Here’s to all the ups and downs you’ll bring- cycles of grooving and losing the groove, all while we whirl around the sun at sixty-seven thousand miles per hour. Let’s do this.